New Life, Creativity, and Lament

Opening the door, come what may

At the end of February 2014, two weeks after the positive pregnancy test, my husband and I attended a faith and creativity retreat at Laeity Lodge in the Texas Hill Country. We were vibrating with our shared secret.

On the way there, we stopped at my parents’ house to have fish tacos and drop our son off for the weekend. My brother and his wife had been there earlier in the week. A balloon, still buoyed by helium, hovered over a tiny onesie on the table. My husband was bursting to yell “us too!” but I hesitated.

With our son, we’d waited until my first OB appointment, the first blurry image on the ultrasound screen, the swishy staccato of the racing heart. I’d planned to do the same this time.

And yet . . .